Life…

20 Jul

Life is interesting. God puts us into situations He knows we can handle and He makes things happen for a reason. Later this week I’ll write up a longer post on these thoughts.

To my readers…

27 Feb

I just wanted to say to the people that read this blog whether you found me randomly while searching for something or whether you read this blog when I post things. Thank you. You all keep me inspired and feeling connected. You are amazing, wonderful and filled with beautiful souls. Keep being you and don’t let anyone think that you are anything less. 

Buckets of Love.

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Storybook Adventures, Awaken My Soul

23 Feb

Storybook Adventures, Awaken My Soul

I started participating in Creative Sprints… photo contests where you are given a theme and you have 48 hours to create an image. This months theme: Night.

Thoughts… when I should be sleeping.

17 Dec

I should be asleep, it’s 12:32 am and I went to sleep around 3am the night before. Yet, I have a mind that refuses to stop. It continually grinds constantly thinks.  I was about to get ready to snuggle into my blankets for the night and I started thinking about all the friends that I have… *when you continue to the meat of the post don’t see it as depressing or sad, it’s just what I have come to realise in the past couple of years.*

We can all place our friends into different categories, some may only fit into one while others can fit themselves nicely into many categories. I seem to have old friends (have known for a long while), family, acquaintances, summer friends, dance friends, friends through social networks and all the time friends who are always there no matter the situation. I find that I have very few that can sit in that last category. 

I can tell you that I am not the same person I was in high school except that I am still shy and for the most part quiet and get ridiculously anxious in social situations. When I talk to much it’s more of a defense mechanism for me because I am used to being talked over and constantly corrected on whatever I contribute to a conversation. This has caused a lot of issues for me and it’s why I’ve become more quiet when I am around people. It also has caused me to lose many friends over the years. It sucks, all of it. Writing these things, my feelings, is the best way I can work things out for myself and I feel my writing is better than me talking. 

I think one thing people would be surprised to know about me is that I am not silly, it is a mask I put on constantly because I feel people wouldn’t want to be around me at all. Yet, being seen as that person is exhausting to me, and it hurts me when people only see me as that and never take me seriously and feeling as if I am not smart enough to take part in conversations in fear on being constantly corrected. Like I mentioned earlier, there are only a few people who see through my masks and are afraid to be a friend all the time and not just when ever they feel like I am being fun. 

So here I am, stripping off the masks and walls that I hide behind most days… take a chance, get to know me, because I refuse to change myself to simply fit in to groups of people.

 

And then I forgot about writing…

9 Sep

So at the beginning of the year I said I was going to try and write every single day…. welp, that didn’t work out. I’ve done a small bit of writing and I’ve done small bits of art, well apart from two weeks this summer I spent working with a couple of camper groups and a couple of other staff members painting two large murals in our new youth center at camp. I am getting back to my art by entering a few photography contests and signing up for the Providence Street Painting festival at the end of the month. I think I’ve decided on what I am going to draw for that… it will most likely be the illustration that is being used as the cover of the Guinea Project book. Which brings me to another exciting thing… they have added me to the team of people to help put together the pages of the book! I am also doing a lot more research on getting an Anthropology degree to move forward towards the things that will allow me to do the things I want to do as work. If anyone thinks I am making terrible life decisions by doing that… please keep them to yourself, I am tired of people telling me what I should and shouldn’t do… because it is my life and the only person who can determine what is right or wrong is me… unless it involves me getting into bad habits or something of that nature… but if it is in regards to what I want to do with my art, or work or anything in my life that makes me happy please keep negative comments to yourself because I honestly don’t need the negativity in my life.

 

Thanks for reading! Oh also we are looking to put up a PDF file of the Guinea Project book online for everyone to look at.

 

Lots of love, Cailin

Why I dance…

3 Jun

Ever wonder why someone chooses to do something… meaning a hobby or a sport or even reading a book for fun? I recently had a conversation with one of my friends about this, we mainly talked about why we contra dance. I first started contra dancing five years ago at the end of spring semester of my junior year, they decided to start a contra dance in Bristol, VA and one friend had been contra dancing for a long while and told us all how much fun it was. So I decided to give it a chance and I am glad that I did because it allowed me to strengthen the friends I had made that year and when I moved back to Rhode Island and finally had a license and a car I was able to continue dancing and meet some amazing people at home.

A few months ago I realized how much dancing I had been doing the past two years and also noticed the lack of that beautiful feeling of a “dance high”. I honestly think I was slowly becoming bored with dancing, mainly contra dancing, simply because I was contra dancing sometimes multiple times a week. I shouldn’t feel that way about something I love and I think I found a need to write about it because friends weren’t understanding fully why I felt like I needed a break from contra. When I was in school I wasn’t able to dance a few times a week or even once a week, so every time I did get to dance it was fun and exciting and left me wanting more. There might be people who still don’t understand why I am doing this, maybe in time they will.

While not dancing, I have been doing other things that I love like art and writing and reading. I have also been working on things and reading up about social/world issues that I had kind of pushed to the back of my mind after college. And surprisingly everything else that is going on in my life feeling like bad things keep getting thrown at me, I refuse to say that I hate my life, and most people if they were in my shoes might be doing just that.

While I may have digressed a bit from the original topic, it was necessary for that last paragraph. I will continue to dance, but if it’s not every week or only once a week, please don’t say that you disagree with my reasons for not needing to dance every week. Because they are my reasons and not yours. They work the same as opinions, and I shouldn’t have to explain this every time I decide to take a small step back. Sometimes it’s good to take a break from something you love and do all the time, simply to remember why you love it and what made you love it in the first place.

Thank you for taking a few minutes to read this!

New blog for my Photography.

19 May

I will be posting new and old photography to tumblr. So far I only have a few posts… Feel free to check them out! 

http://paperdaisygirl.tumblr.com/

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