27 Dec

So as most of I have been back in Rhode Island since October. For the record, I did not give up on living in California, I made the difficult decision to move back home because it was financially the smartest thing for me to do. Honestly, there is a lot I could write here, and if you’ve been a frequent visitor here you have read it all before.

This post is more about my experience in California. You all only saw the parts I wanted to share, the edited parts that masked how the year actually went. If you noticed the only photographs I posted were of cups of tea with the mountain background and of the sunsets, there were hardly ever people in the photographs. Frankly, that is all I did while living on the mountain the last year. I spent most of the year feeling alone, being forced to invite myself to things when I heard about them last minute, because truthfully I was not actually wanted. I had all of maybe three friends that at least tried to make me feel included. California was rough.

I have this problem, where I somehow soak up peoples negative energy like a sponge. And this is part of the problem I had the beginning half of the school year. All it took was one person constantly being negative to ruin my entire year. Maybe it is also because when I am nervous and anxious I talk too much, and I get excited about nature related things. I have a hard time having conversations with people and with people never taking me seriously or thinking that I am not intelligent. Who knows, this is part of the reason why I have a issues with trusting people and opening up.

There will be people who might be offended by the things I write, but that doesn’t mean I should not speak up and say the things I often keep bottled up inside. Because we all know that isn’t healthy either.

This coming year I am going to start making changes, because I don’t want to feel alone and like I don’t have a place where I belong. I am going to ignore the people and things those people say that contribute to me being unhappy. This year I am going to focus on me and worry less about the people around me and what they think of me. So, what do I need from you my amazingly loving friends, I need encouragement throughout this year, I need people to make an effort, because I have put more effort into my friendships and it seems like I am the only one trying. I want to keep in touch with the people who I know are there and have been a huge support. And finally, if you’ve read this entire post thank you. Stay beautiful you wonderful humans.


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