Why do I do this to myself?

28 Dec

In my mind I already know this post is probably a bad idea… which means I should stop typing right now and avoid any complications this might lead to, if read by the right individual. So what do I do, well I can’t keep this in my heart anymore… Why because lately meaning today especially it has been driving me crazy.

Why do I waste my time and most days my effort in trying to be patient with people. Or with certain guys I may or may not like? This past year, or beginning really this summer, through questioning/badgering of some co-workers at camp, realized I may have developed a “more than just wanting to be your friend” feeling for a close friend of mine… and now I realize that I just need to stop and wait for things to happen in their own way and on their own time. Friends are just friends… I annoyingly ask this question… Why can’t I just be one of the lucky girls out there? Lately nothing seems to be going right. I just ask for one good thing to happen for me in the next year, one really amazing thing to happen, to erase the shit year 2010 has been. I never ask for much, I feel like I get myself too attached to people and then only ever get to do stuff with people when events are a given happening and never invited to extra stuff, I think I make up a lot of the feeling like an add on in my head. Maybe I need some help. Who knows at this point. I just really don’t want to feel broken anymore, I want to find I place where I truly belong and feel completely wanted by people… Is that really to much to ask for?

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One Response to “Why do I do this to myself?”

  1. Sonja January 1, 2011 at 1:14 pm #

    never too much to ask for! you’re awesome. now go kick some ass this year! ❤

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