Wandering Away.

26 Dec

This is an old piece of writing…. Old meaning from April 24, 2010. Some [most] days I still feel like this.

I was listening to Nickle Creek while hiking and then was inspired to write… The which inspired this particular post was this one titled “Reason’s Why” lyrics pasted after writing…

Wandering Away through the trails. Winding down paths over trekked and eroded. Mountain tops are supposed to make you feel free for me they are not high enough. I want to continue climbing hoping something will be at the top waiting for me. Perhaps my expectations are too high of myself and of my friends. Because this mountain I am standing on has some how brought me back down to face the reality that I want to force back into hiding, feeling I can’t do anything right I suppose you can interpret that as denial or maybe just my way of getting through a day. I just want to feel the high of success, in love, life, friendships… God, just to fill the small empty void, just to fill me with your love a little bit more. Pretending and hiding is becoming harder everyday. I shut myself in and wander off in hopes to escape and write some words on a page that no one will probably read or rather acknowledge.

-After typing this I still most day feel like this.

Where am I today? I wish that I knew
‘Cause looking around there’s no sign of you
I don’t remember one jump or one leap
Just quiet steps away from your lead

I’m holding my heart out but clutching it too
Feeling this short of a love that we once knew
I’m calling this home when it’s not even close
Playing the role with nerves left exposed

Standing on a darkened stage, stumbling through the lines
Others have excuses, but I have my reasons why

We get distracted by dreams of our own
But nobody’s happy while feeling alone
And knowing how hard it hurts when we fall
We lean another ladder against the wrong wall

And climb high to the highest rung, to shake fists at the sky
While others have excuses, I have my reasons why

[Bridge:]
With so much deception it’s hard not to wander away
It’s hard not to wander away
It’s hard not to wander away

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