….

11 Feb

I feel as if I am getting in everyone’s way. Like I am following people around. The surroundings are once again becoming unfamiliar and confusing. Do people really want me here or is it time to go home. This feeling is not a good one for me… everything is bleeding together again days seem rehearsed,  I smile and I laugh when things seem funny. But right now they are not. I needed this to make me hurt less… but it seems to hurt even more. Why do I seem like I am forcing myself to fit in, I really can not do this anymore… I can’t keep going through the motions where the hell do I belong? Not in college, not in Bristol, not in Rhode Island. But where will I end up…. unfortunately until Grad school… Rhode Island. That way I will have the simple option of seeing my friends when I want and when they will want to see me. Hopefully with grad school I will find myself and where I want to be with my life. And with this transition I hope to find a new life and a new direction in which I want to take my life. Find a job that is what I want to be doing, being able to pay my bills, own a car by the end of the summer. I have small simple goals for the moment: grad school, job when I leave Bristol for RI, get the job I applied for this summer, and buy a car by the end of the summer. That’s all I want to happen for now.

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